Sunday, 12 June 2016

Piling on the pressure and not the pounds... hopefully!

I can't believe I'm actually writing this post. For some people this is not a big deal at all, but for me it's massive, literally! I drafted this post over a month ago now, but it has taken me a while to pluck up the courage and hit 'publish'. So, here goes nothing...

I've struggled with my weight for so long, my whole adult life. It's by far my biggest insecurity and the thought of writing this post has been super daunting and I'm not a particularly shy person. I feel like I could write a novel on this part of my life. Taking you through why I think I've let myself get to this point, why I find it so hard to get in control and honestly, how ashamed I am about the whole thing. I'm going to do my best to be brief, I'm hoping to keep checking in on here on this subject every so often. So more updates to come.

First of all, I'd like to just say that being slim and 'bikini ready' isn't the be all and end all in life. I'm doing this to be healthier, more energetic and generally happier. However, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not fussed about having a 'good-looking' body, I totally am! I'm not going to go on and justify why I feel this way, I just do. I find it so much easier to work hard at other aspects in my life; my education, my career, my family life, but the thing that causes me the most upset in life? It's SO hard. I am very aware that out of everything in my life, to have my weight as the most stressful and depressing part, is actually pretty good going compared to how it could be and how I know others have it. I'm also aware that correcting this aspect of my life isn't going to be the magic 'fix-it' of all my problems, but I'm thinking it's a great place to start!

I want to be able to see a dress on ASOS and not have to sense-check in my head, 'honestly Aaman, are you going to look shit in that'. I feel as though the way I look now is not me, it's not how I want other people to see me. I'm this slim, fashionable, maybe even sporty girl inside, who no one can see. I've tried so many times to do something about it but have clearly failed. But recently, I'm trying to do something about it and I actually feel as though something has 'clicked' inside me. So, in addition to this new-found determination, I'm going one step further and documenting my progress online in a bid to pile on the pressure. Historically, I've not been very vocal about my weight loss efforts, in fear that I'd fail and everyone would know. I think it goes a big way to explaining why I've never really got that far with it all. I need pressure. I need to know that people will be experiencing how determined I am to do this and just how much it means to me. It's not about anyone else, but I'm not someone who finds it easy to openly fail.

So, with all of this in mind, a couple of weeks ago (now 6 weeks ago, I'll have a little update on where I'm at with it at the bottom of this post) I began the 5:2 diet. I did my research, and as it's a relatively simple diet to follow and not classed as a 'crash diet' but more a way of life, it appealed to me. I've been reading up about the benefits of fasting and I'm keen on the whole thing. The first day of fasting was TOUGH. I mean, I was a total bitch to be around. Hangry isn't even the word! But, I got through it and have completed more fast days since. I've realised it's easier to fast on days I'm busy, there's less time to focus on the hunger.

In two weeks, I've managed to lose 3.4kg of fat and gain 1.6kg of muscle (I've been going to the gym 3/4 times a week, mostly strength training - I detest cardio!). So, I've lost approximately 1.8kg and I'm feeling great. I've got a long way to go, I want to lose 3.5 to 4 stone overall. But the combination of working to eat better, coupled with the fasting and exercise, actually has me really excited about this journey I'm embarking upon. I'm not cutting out all things bad, if I have a little slip up, that's ok. I'm not going to allow it to make me feel like I've failed and that I should give up as I have done in the past.

I'm not quite brave enough to tell you exactly how much I weigh, or post photos of myself just yet, but that may change.

Apologies for the epic, non-beauty related post. I thought sharing this on my little blog would be a positive way for me to talk about my journey, my struggles and my (fingers crossed!) success. If you can relate to any of the above, I'd love to hear from you! It's great to have people to chat with and to keep each other motivated.

**UPDATE since writing this post**
I'm now 6 weeks into the 5:2 diet and have lost 4.4kg (9.7lbs). I'm pretty chuffed! Still got a long way to go but I've managed to incorporate it into my lifestyle without sacrificing my social life or completely cutting out the naughty treats I love. Yay!
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7 comments

  1. So glad it's going well for you! starting a new diet/workout routine can be so hard to get into and even harder to stick to. Even though like you said it's not the be all and end all, it can have a huge impact if you're not happy with the way your body looks, sometimes it can be the tiniest things that get to you! Hope you reach your goal :) xx

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    1. Hey! Aww, thanks chick. It totally does have a massive impact, more than people would realise. Fingers crossed I get there too, will try and share regular updates :) xxx

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  2. Awww Aaman, you always look fantastic whenever I see you but I hear what you are saying and find myself saying the exact same things in my own head, it is easy for me to sit here and tell you how amazing you look (which you always do) but if you're not happy with how you look, you're not happy and it does sound as though you have found something which works for you x

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    1. Ahh, thanks Rachel! That's brightened my day :) Yeah, it's just something for me, for me to feel better about myself and more confident. Thanks lovely. xxx

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  3. Aww lovely, I know how hard it is battling with how you feel about the way you look. All I can say is congratulations on finding a way to overcome that and being happier within yourself.

    To me you always look stunning but I know how little that may mean unless you believe it yourself so I am glad to see you are able to see your beauty.

    lots of love <3 xxxx

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    1. Thanks Nafisah! Bless you, that's so nice of you to say! I've got a cheeky smile on my face :) Will keep you updated!
      Thanks hun xxxx

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  4. Well done for doing something. I know how hard ut is to struggle with weight issues, and tackling them like this issure to help. I've started on a gealth diet and so far so good. I've lost 1.5st so fingers crossed we both keep doing well :)
    haveyouseenhowshespeaks.blogspot.co.uk

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